Omega
by boldly
Summary: Let me go .. and plunge me into the dead spot again.


Again, back to the drabbles. I'm slightly disgusted with myself, but this came out of nowhere and practically beat me over the head until I sat down and dragged out this tiny fucking strain of thought that ended up being nothing but jumbled phrases and .. a whole hell of a lot of hurt. Whenever he thinks about the war, my heart breaks. Because he'll never forgive himself, no matter what anyone says.

Anyway. This was meant to be a sort of .. last letter to Squall. I'm fairly certain I could have formatted it better -- properly, even -- but .. as I said, this was mostly a jumble of nothing that I tried to give shape, and this is what it came to. Love it, hate it, stab it in the face with a fork .. but it's here, and I feel a little better for having finished it. And as much as I'd love to take credit for what's in italics, I can't. Stone Sour's "Omega" was admittedly the inspiration behind a lot of it, thus the reason I chose that particular title. I am an unoriginal brat, I know.

Standard disclaimers, as usual. I lay claim to no one, but Seifer definitely owns his angst. I still love him.

For my love, as always.

* * *

_What a skeletal wreck of a man this is. Translucent flesh and feeble bones, the kind of temple where the whores and villians try to tempt the holistic tomes._

I look the same to you. Outwardly, at least. The same gloating, arrogant smile, the same dismissive air of careful indifference -- for everyone but you. You .. were always different from the rest of them. You_understood_, and you didn't even have to try. It was the one thing I could count on to stay consistent, to stay the same -- that little upward curve of your mouth when I said something out of line, the subtle shake of your head that always made your hair fall into your eyes. It was always the little things, the things you didn't say. I could have spent the rest of my life pushing your buttons, just trying to get a reaction, and been satisfied. Because .. on some level, you were all that mattered. Even .. even when you went through me to get to her, when your eyes flashed that dangerous, steely blue-gray. I knew what it meant for me.

_We all have a little sin that needs venting, virtues for the rending, and laws and systems and stems are ripped from the branches of office -- do you know what your post entails?_

_Do you serve a purpose, or purposely serve?_

Yeah, I remember that. Did I never tell you? I remember everything with the sort of clarity that worms its way into my fucking _dreams_, and all I see some nights is that maddening, condescending smirk of hers. And you. The way you looked at me, _hated_ me, even if you say you never did. It _was_ my fault, wasn't it? Everyone else blames me, hates me, so why shouldn't you?

_Sanctimonious, pretentious, dastardly bastards with their thumb on the pulse and a finger on the trigger._

They've always had their guns pointed at me -- they were just waiting for a reason that justified making the shot. And I know what you're thinking. You can think what you want, just as long as you know ..

But, that never worked on you, did it? You were too stubborn to know when to give up, and I've got to say .. it's one of your more defining attributes. Don't know where you got it from, but .. it made you their savior. It made you strong enough to do what needed to be done, and I know I've never said it, but I've never been so proud of you. Truth be told, I .. wouldn't have trusted anyone else to do it right. Even if it meant only a means to an end.

_I've drunk too much, and said too little, when you're gaffer-taped in the middle, say a prayer --_

I don't ask favors.

_Save face --_

Bit late for that.

_Get yourself together and --_

See what's happening.

What's happened here has already been set in motion, and my time is finished. It almost makes me wonder, how much more damage could I do if I stayed?

You deserve a break.

_Remember: you're a wreck. An accident. Forget the freak, you're just nature. Keep the gun oiled and the temple clean, shit, snort and blaspheme. Let the heads cool, and the engine run -- because in the end, everything we do .. is just everything we've don_e.

I wish I could believe that would absolve my mistakes. But I'm pretty sure that since it's me, Fate will continue to be the bitch she is and make me pay for it the rest of my life.

Try not to miss me too much, Princess. Okay?


End file.
